***Reader Note: this post contains heart, soul, perhaps wisdom, wrapped in a PG-13 context. If you are easily offended, don’t read this.***

Mentors shape and inspire us when the going gets tough. They offer perspectives from hard lessons they’ve learned. They understand you, your strengths, and weaknesses. Mentors aren’t afraid to challenge you and share with you the honest truth. Even if isn’t easy to hear.

“Advice is a form of nostalgia,” — Mary Schmich, Wear Sunscreen
These words were also ready by Baz Luhrmann in “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” in 1999.

In this blog post, I focus on my process of “Going Pro” as I move to a full-time photographer. One important step in my journey moving full-time is choosing and adhering to the wisdom of my mentors. They have influenced my direction as a photographer and I remain in contact with them on a periodic basis.

If you are just joining us, click below to catch up on the series!

Part 1: Take the Big Step
Part 2: Delay Instant Gratification
Part 3 : Knowing When to Make the Jump
Part 4 : Make Amateur Photography Pay
Part 5: Pimp the Work You Want to Shoot
Part 6: Take a Creative Sabbatical

If you just want the most important part of this blog post, read this:

Be a good student to become a great student.

Now the important part: be a good mentee. A teacher will never be able to make you become better than you want to be. You have to be willing to do the work. It won’t be easy. You can have a world-class mentor offering world-class wisdom, but if you don’t listen and apply, what is the point?

“Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy ass weights.” — Eight-time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman.

To be a better student you have to be a good student first. This means completing homework, handing it in on time, and going for the “A+,” not just the “A.”

If you expect to be a good mentee, you’d better be trainable. If not, no matter how effective of communicator your chosen mentor or instructor is, the given advice may never break through stubborn or a narrow-minded behavior.
Mentors mirror our inspirations and ambitions, offer us insight when choosing paths, and offer kindness… like a hand that gives a dog a bone. You need to be trainable, however.

Why does this matter?

Our industry of wedding photographers have lots of leaders. Some great, others not. Those whom copy tweets, plagiarize workshops, steal images, or peddle snake oil, I generally avoid. The mask of marketing takes a critical eye to see.

I value core critical thinking, especially the asking “why” questions. It’s important to question authority and leadership in any industry dominated by trade and business. And in creative domains, those gates should stand open to the critical eye. Which is why I offer reviews of workshops by Jeff Newsom, Jerry Ghionis and Sandy Puc, Elevate Workshop. Or even mentioning the 20 photo blogs I follow.

Even Master Photographers (whatever that title means) are human and miss things when their back is turned. I met with Alex Soth recently and he mentioned the importance of mentor influences, like Martin Parr, in not only work, but life.

Mentors show you what you are not seeing, especially when your back is turned.

Traits of a good mentor: patience

They train with you.

They don’t demand pushups, stand over you, then call you a maggot.

Being a good mentee means trusting in your chosen mentor.

If mentors give you assignment, chances are they are doing the exact same one and will probably complete it before you. And better.

That’s a sign of a darn good mentor.

The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission! Do you maggots understand? — Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Sometimes a mentor won’t yell at you when you think you need it. That psychologic pathway allows for quietness. After all, stubbornness is smart enough to listen when it needs it. Like a doctor boycotting breakfast each morning. A decade of nagging won’t make it sink in faster. Just the opposite. One day, the light bulb will go on. Those internal reflections and words are often the answer. Not lecture.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, for the record.

The smaller things in life ARE the bigger things. Solitude and time help us to see them.

Qualities of a mentor. Someone is patient, knowledgeable, articulate and encouraging but not afraid to give them the tough truth. They’ve made mistakes before and are not afraid to share with you there failures and how they’ve grown as a result. You learn 90% of what you teach others.

Qualities of being a mentee: Curious, motivated, passionate, and willing to take criticism but also confident and posses a level of critical thinking to know what information to take. What works for one may not work for another, especially where creativity and subjectivity influence a path.

Mentors point out the writing on the wall. You still need to read, understand, and apply it.

How to be a Mentee
Is important to learn how to be mentee. What this means is that you’re willing and really crave improvement. After all there’s no such thing is hitting a plateau. You’re either getting better at something or worse. And when you think you’re actually hitting a plateau your most likely on that slow death word downward spiral.

Being a mentee is not the same as just reaching desperately out for someone for help. If you think you of your mentor like a physician, a visit should be taken as seriously as a visit to your primary care physician, not a frantic ER visit in need of a band-aid fix. Your mentor should be treated with respect and shouldn’t always be approached in desperation.

You check in with them once or twice a year. By doing so, they help resolve the grey areas for you. And if the problem is too complicated or beyond the level of expertise they will make up a bunch of crap and tell you stuff just make her feel special but will actually refer you to someone that can truly help me best.

Choosing Effective Mentors
Mentors are like a sensei. They train with you. You should be able to reach out to them with questions and responses will often be in the form of constructive criticism. Mentors understand the importance of what they offer. Sharing in mutual respect and rapport, mentors have a powerful role in shifting our attitude styles and enabling decisions in our career and business. They care about the long-term perspective more than a short-term game especially if there’s financial incentives involved. You should be able to confide in them your biggest fears challenges and not necessarily be afraid of what they might think

Should always be respectful of mentors time as often they are busy balancing demands of running their business.

Mentors help you see the many shades of gray. You determine what is black and white.

What mentors are NOT: A mechanism to copy.

Creatives don’t want to train copycats. They should want to inspire with a critical eye because perhaps they have “seen” more of the world than you. They will let you know when something just doesn’t work. And hopefully, you’ll both be able to laugh together at the message.

A reciprocal relationship exists between mentors and mentee… a symbiotic relationship, even. The student might be able to provide opportunities to the mentor, be able to assist in areas of weakness, or provide a specific skill set valued by the mentor.

I feel connecting with mentors at a genuine level at least once per year important. This can be at a conference after-hours on the roof-top bar, driving to a shoot, or on a Skype session. It doesn’t have to be in person.Mentors let you know when something doesn’t work. Humor serves as a great delivery vehicle.

My Mentors
I choose to surround myself with top talent and people that compliment my strengths and weaknesses. I value my photography & life mentors so much. They include John, Michael Cooper and Dalisa Cooper, Anna Kuperberg, Jared Platt, Rachel LaCour, Kevin Von Qualen, Rachel Olsen, and James Christianson.

Mentors help make life easier not by paving your path, but reminding you of a continuum of options and letting you choose the right path.

(Pictured above, Left to Right)

John Michael Cooper and Dalisa Cooper: JMC is a photo hero, a mentor for business, art, and life I met five years ago at Image X ’08 and I still refer back to my notes about not just being “different,” but being “differenter.” I look at his Hellcat print hanging in my office each morning which reminds me of the importance of personal work. JMC is a technical genius. He offered insight which shaped my first trip to Burning Man. He and I both share a passion for photographing cars. His wife Dalisa, is also one very sweet woman, and possess solid business and marketing savvy needed to tame the beast. I look forward her photographing Krista one day. Willy likes that he was welcome in their studio.

Anna Kuperberg: I admire the simplicity of Anna’s work, tied to solid photojournalistic practices which grab your heart and soul. I’ve followed her blog for years and love that she’s involved in the Foundation Conference. She gives stellar critiques. She is very smart business person who just happens to be very talented with a camera. I spent a full day mentoring with her last April and for that I am very grateful. She photographed Willy’s Trip to the Ocean finale which we adore. Willy likes her treats.

Jared Platt: I admire Jared for his exceptional public speaking skills, his technical knowledge about workflow, and him sharing his MFA and fashion photography experiences with me. He has help me become a better editor. I admire his efforts in balancing life and family. And if I loose my hair, I just hope my bald head looks as good as his (which rivals Patrick Stewart). Jared helped to boost my confidence that I could make it as a full-time photographer. My Going Pro series wouldn’t be without Jared’s encouragement. Thank you!

(Not Pictured… Rachel we’ll have to do something about that!)

Rachel LaCour: Not only has she helped create ShootQ, an amazing backend workflow system I use for my business, but she has helped me so much with my blogging skills with my guest posts on The Photo Life. I met her at PartnerCon 2009 and was very impressed with her brains and photojournalism background. I’ve really enjoyed her Plume & Post marketing resources and HIGHLY recommend the procured content. I look forward to connecting with her in NYC this year and continuing growing as a writer. I dedicate this post to her.

(Pictured below, Left to Right)

Kevin Von Qualen: I look forward to long hikes with this kindred spirit! Kevin reminds me of the importance of humbleness. Just when I don’t expect a thing, I hear a tiny ‘click.’ He had just created an amazing image, standing by me….one I didn’t see. You see, Kevin’s approach to documentary is as authentic as his tools. He uses real 8 mm film for his art, yet is equally talented with a still camera. He is very talented and uses his gift exceptionally well. Simple sequences, subtle grain, film brought to life with moving pictures of couples in love, this is what artist Kevin creates using film cameras from a bygone era. Not easy. We choose Kevin as our engagement and wedding filmmaker and LOVED HIS WORK. He and I share the same ‘thinking November’ ambitions. His systems-oriented business approach never fails to get me thinking. And he takes his personal work to a whole new level (which inspired the series of mirror images you see in this post). He pulls off the ‘artsy hair look’ better than I could ever dream. Willy enjoyed reading his Ask the Expert article and wants to grow out his fur/hair to be like Mr. Von Qualen.

Rachel Olsen: Rach is the only woman I know that, in a very short time period, can shoot 40 family portrait sessions, serve as an exemplary mother and family CEO, reduce global warming, foster an orphan animal, serve dinner, and debating Bill Maher current affairs on a PhD level… all while keeping sane. I’d break in half if I had to do what she does, and she pulls it off so amazingly well. And looks darn good doing it, too. I’ve been taking lots of notes on how she keeps the balance… and that’s something they don’t teach in you photo school, an MFA program, or WPPI. Her work is far more consistent than mine, her branding is stellar, and her demonstrated loyalty to her clients epitomizes top notch customer service (Nordstrom’s should hire her as a consultant). She has schooled me in all sorts of things like workflow, taxes, and baby diaper changing. I love that she is my sister-in-law and a mentor of life. And she knows the Vail back bowls like the back of her hand.

James Christianson: Jim’s coolness reminds me not to over think things too much, especially under pressure. Classy, charming, and the fastest film loader I know, Jim has helped inspire my creative portraits with a perspective of timelessness and beauty. He takes very pretty pictures while documenting important moments garnering trust. Not only is his work amazing, but he makes his clients feel equally amazing, one of the reason we loved working with him on our wedding. He has help me appreciate the finer things in life such as gaining inspiration from artist books, travel, and living an ‘impossible dream.’ His quality in finished albums and packaging has influence my business as much as the pursuit of ultimate image quality to shooting medium format on weddings. Spending time with him is always a treat. I’ll never forget him running down Koko Head staircase in flip flops. And I envy his golf swing.
Friends and mentors often go hand in hand.

In sum, choose your mentors wisely. They are critical to success. Realize the reciprocol role required in being a good mentee and share that value.

Thank you for reading this series! I hope I have been able to offer perspective on my journey. To find more information on other resources I offer photographers, click here!